Yea I think your right I may need to think again.
The secondary mx I like as itís nice to know while things are down we have control over any queued email. I can get it frozen or do all sorts of clever things with exim's mailq or at least get my friend to do it who runs the box
. As for the grey listing I can't really impose on him to adjust his setup just for my sake. So I will have a ponder and thanks for your suggestions